behind the scenes

It isn't easy to tell people the truth. Well, those that you know will never understand. In fact you believe no one understands.

Before I go any further, I just want to say, my mum isn't a bad person. Without alcohol she is the perfect mum. My best friend. It just all changes when she has a drink. My Mums weekly routine is get up, help grandparents, come home open a bottle of vodka, next day she's hungove, so won't touch any. This is my routine day in day out.

I hate when my mum drinks, as much as she doesn't mean to hurt us, quite often she can. Just by simply calling us names, or getting angry. I would do anything to help my mum, and I mean anything, but I also know I can't do anything until she helps herself. This, I guess, is what is most frustrating than any name calling or anger bursts.,
This is an addiction, which thankfully is now being highly recognised as an illness. My mum, for one isn't a selfish person, which this illness used to be seen as. It is the alcohol that makes her selfish. My mum will raid the cupboards for anything, this is usually vodka, but she'll grab anything she can. What makes this worse is, different drinks can make her react in different ways. For example, whisky, makes her angry, port gives her a downer. It's no telling how the days are gonna change.

I sometimes lie in my bed, crying until the point I feel sick and shaky and petrified. I pray every night that one day my mum wakes up and realizes before it's too late. Deep in my heart, I know nothing will change before it's too late though. I know I will lose my mum, my best friend to alcohol. This kills me a little more each and every day.